The Dating Game

It has taken me a good two and a half years to feel comfortable in accepting an invitation for a 'date'.  Over that time I have forced myself to go out with a number of men (one has to keep one's hand in, or so I told myself), but often with hilarious, and on one occasion physically painful, consequences.

Initially it started with the dreaded online world of "you've not met me but I'm kind, caring and, oh, hung like a donkey" (and one occasion the man in question even posed with a buckaroo to labour the point.  Purlease.  Suffice to say I hit 'delete').  Desperate, not for sex, but to prove to myself (and I suspect, the exes) that I was capable of getting out there and being vaguely attractive again, I acknowledged a few online winks and subsequent dates.  Oh my goodness.  Those who had the patience and misfortune to read my previous blog, will know that I tucked what was left of my confidence into my pants (always a G string and matching bra, natch) and had a few rather strange experiences.

The actor who had a very large raw nerve about his family that I unintentionally touched upon, was in such a rush to leave that his (big) head bounced off a glass wall, leaving me to address the puzzled glances of the bouncers with an enigmatic smile (I've not been back since).  A lucky escape.

The seemingly attractive (at last!) and amusing triathlete whom on date one spun a line.  On date two reeled me in and left bleeding for a couple of days and  bruised psychologically for quite a lot longer.   

The work contact whom is charming, erudite, talented, interesting - but, ultimately - doesn't pluck my strings and so is going nowhere.  Although I am thankful that he has helped me to feel attractive again for the first time in years.

There's the Peer of the Realm.  Too high profile to elucidate and I struggle to find the balance between client relations and whatever it is he thinks he is looking for.

And last night? Gosh - a night out with a man whom I:

a. met through normal circumstances - friend of a friend

b. is intelligent

c. is amusing - made me laugh all evening

d. is interested (or so I thought) - actually asked me questions about my life

e. is very cute and I actually find physically attractive

It would appear however that unless I feel a HUGE 'this isn't going anywhere' or a man makes an inappropriate lunge (what am I saying?  Can a lunge ever be appropriate?) I am at a complete loss as to whether or not a chap is interested.

When did this all get so complicated?  Need it be?

Probably not.  So I shall do my best to be happy in myself, not look for affirmation elsewhere and to get on with life.

And, on the very outside chance that he gets in touch again, I may be free. And I may not.

(Yes I know.  Who am I kidding....)